In the Dark Chilly Night

Dedicated to Jodi Durham
September 22, 2005

When the sun wants to hide
In the dark chilly night,
When you shiver with fright,
And no star is in sight,

When the storm won't cease
Making you cough and sneeze,
When your heart starts to freeze,
And you're fighting to breathe,

When you've lost all the hope
As you trudge, limp and grope,
When you're climbing a slope
And you feel you can't cope,

When you find yourself lost
In the lab'rinth of frost,
When you hunger and thirst,
Feeling weakened and cursed,

When you lift your eyes high
To the dark starless sky,
Asking whether you'll live
Or your doom is to die...

You will see a dim light
In the dark chilly night,
And the stars will turn bright,
Shedding light on the site.

You will feel warmth and might
And some hope deep inside.
Then the storm will subside,
And your path you will find.

When around you'll turn,
To your joy you will learn
That you rightfully earned
What you longed for and yearned.

You will finally know
That behind you I followed...
When the cold was your foe
You did not fight alone!

I was walking along
When you were weak or strong,
I could not leave you be,
For my heart isn't free.

It's been captured and tied
In the dark chilly night,
And what ever you do,
I will always love you!

Background Story

Whenever I look at this photograph, I wistfully reminisce about the days bygone, about the mistakes made, about the opportunities tossed away and the love lost. Again and again, I lose myself in those beautiful expressive eyes and remember what it was like to feel the butterflies in my heart every time I saw her smile. Now, years later, we continue to talk twice a year - on my birthday and on hers. Every year, I anxiously await that brief "Happy Brithday!" message, and, every year, like the clock, unfailingly it comes.

I wrote this poem in the dead of the night. I don't remember if the night was indeed chilly, but it must have been. She was sleeping a mere few feet away from me, and watching her sleep gave me a profound sense of inspiration. Her sleep was so peaceful and untroubled that it almost seemed ironic to me: her life was far from easy, yet, her sleeping face was so calm and angelic.

I imagined her walking through a thick impassable forest in the middle of winter while a ghastly blizzard was rampaging wildly all around. Cold, sick, exhausted, lost and completely alone she pressed on unwaveringly, without any hope of ever finding her way. I longed to understand what it would be like to feel such a deep sense of despair and hopelessness. I felt desperate to help her. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted her to know that she was not alone. I wanted to tell her that I loved her... But I couldn't.

Instead, I followed her, covering her with a blanket when she was cold, whispering words of encouragement into her ear when she felt hopeless, lighting her way when the night was black all about. Even if she didn't know, I still wanted to continue taking care of her, because I loved her.